Wednesday, March 26, 2008

the way to not-knowing

maybe i am streching my self too much, maybe i should accept my limitations, and my complete obliviouslness when the shit hits the fan coming from behind my back.. and that i can protect everyone from it.. or help them, specially when they dnt want to help themselves
why do i feel responsible???
maybe cause i know i have been more responsible ever since i was 11 :S, or even before hand.. i even had the key to the house as a 10 year old, some of my friends are not trusted with their own's till now and they are close to having their own kids..
i know i had to tend for my brother...
i know i had to hear about my dad's problems at work and make conversation about that ...
i knew somethings i just can't have or afford ...
i knew many things too early and there is no way to go back to not-knowing..
i know when i see someone in trouble or sad i feel i HAVE TO help as much as i can..
dear bro.,
i know when i ask u why are u so angry is because i care. maybe it is not in a shape or form u understand.. but i have enough shit on my own hands to be meddlesome....
i know it's not understandable to you why i dnt stand for my rights... but u dnt know that the thought of putting a burden on someone is just against my nature it soesn't have to do anything with strength
dear S,
I know can offer almost nothign to help u ...
but i know it kills me..
and kills me more that u dnt see that ur streching urself oo hard and at one point everyone is ment to break if streched that hard
dear N,
i hope you can do half u say...
i know you know.... i know u feel.....
i know that asking you for anything will hurt more that it would give
dear D,
i know u think i am distracted, or not there for u as before..
but dnt u think that's unfair? ..
try and not take people for granted ..
cause if u think extra is the norm... no one would be able to maintain it at one point
i am there if u need me without asking.. try and do the same i would look that bad then

i know as a kid i am sure i didn't think that life would be this way
i know that he picture was not that happy... but still this picture falls way behind
i know so many things as much as i dn't know others...
but most of all i wish there was a way back to not knowing

(it's really early in the morning andi only slept like 4 hours the last couple of nights... so pls excuse the incoherency )

1 comment:

Deeeeeee said...

"i know it's not understandable to you why i dnt stand for my rights... but u dnt know that the thought of putting a burden on someone is just against my nature it doesn't have to do anything with strength"

I can totally relate to that, and what you said about HAVING TO help people as much as you can, even if they don't appreciate it or deserve it, even if you knoooow you'll never get it back... it just feels bad not to!