the way to not-knowing

maybe i am streching my self too much, maybe i should accept my limitations, and my complete obliviouslness when the shit hits the fan coming from behind my back.. and that i can protect everyone from it.. or help them, specially when they dnt want to help themselves
why do i feel responsible???
maybe cause i know i have been more responsible ever since i was 11 :S, or even before hand.. i even had the key to the house as a 10 year old, some of my friends are not trusted with their own's till now and they are close to having their own kids..
i know i had to tend for my brother...
i know i had to hear about my dad's problems at work and make conversation about that ...
i knew somethings i just can't have or afford ...
i knew many things too early and there is no way to go back to not-knowing..
i know when i see someone in trouble or sad i feel i HAVE TO help as much as i can..
dear bro.,
i know when i ask u why are u so angry is because i care. maybe it is not in a shape or form u understand.. but i have enough shit on my own hands to be meddlesome....
i know it's not understandable to you why i dnt stand for my rights... but u dnt know that the thought of putting a burden on someone is just against my nature it soesn't have to do anything with strength
dear S,
I know can offer almost nothign to help u ...
but i know it kills me..
and kills me more that u dnt see that ur streching urself oo hard and at one point everyone is ment to break if streched that hard
dear N,
i hope you can do half u say...
i know you know.... i know u feel.....
i know that asking you for anything will hurt more that it would give
dear D,
i know u think i am distracted, or not there for u as before..
but dnt u think that's unfair? ..
try and not take people for granted ..
cause if u think extra is the norm... no one would be able to maintain it at one point
i am there if u need me without asking.. try and do the same i would look that bad then

i know as a kid i am sure i didn't think that life would be this way
i know that he picture was not that happy... but still this picture falls way behind
i know so many things as much as i dn't know others...
but most of all i wish there was a way back to not knowing

(it's really early in the morning andi only slept like 4 hours the last couple of nights... so pls excuse the incoherency )

"all that you are is.. a wall between myself, and me"

seeing u blows my mind away... i never got to know if it's a good thing or a bad one, nothing seems to matter when u're there.... my mind does not seem to function... i search inside looking for my self but i can't find it, it returns to haunt me when ur gone.. and i wish u stayed to chase her away....i dnt like her she scares me...

she makes me think too much and she is the same one who made me forget what happiness is.. and now i am getting to know it again, and i want to .. god how i want to

she is the one who made me forget what happy is, and now i think i am getting to know it again... yet she stands in my way warning me, keeps nagging and reminding me that it might all go away.. she thinks that i might hurt more if it does, and she knows i have no more room for scars ... she knows how far i am willing to go and she knows how many people who knew that used it... she scares me yet she is afriad of you cause u're the closest.. ur inside and it is the hurt from within that can hurt the most.. it can hurt to kill...

Find me here ... Speak to me

I want to feel you.... I need to hear you

You are the light... That is leading me

to the place where I find peace ...again

You are the strength.... that keeps me walking

You are the hope.... that keeps me trusting

You are the life .... to my soul

You are my purpose.... You are everything

And how can I stand here with you

and not be moved by you

Would you tell me how could it be

any better than this

You calm the storms .... You give me rest

You hold me in your hands .... You wont let me fall

You steal my heart .... and you take my breath away

Would you take me in? ... Would you take me deeper now?

cause you're all I want

You are all I need

You are everything

everything

[life house ~ everything]

i can feel it coming in the air ....

definiton "karma":
"Hinduism, Buddhism. action, seen as bringing upon oneself inevitable results, good or bad, either in this life or in a reincarnation.. "
i totally belive in karma... what you do will come back to haunt you good or bad, if not in this life well then it will be in the next one...
so does that piece of info make you think twice of the consequesces???
i guess not all the time.. i guess no one is afraid of the good deeds it is the bad ones that are scary..
and when u fall... u are in a state of apprehension waiting..... in a state of apprehension.... waiting for karma to hit...

if you can't understand my silence .... you will never understand my words
anonymous~ was on top of my desk someday

fading away

it fades..
all my worries and my thoughts when ur there,
i was never able to judge if its a good or a bad thing?
but for some weird reason everything is not the same... i am not the same around u
i have a zillion things to say... a million things i want to do
but i just sit there staring at u ... blank
trying to savour every moment cause i know that soon u will have to go... i don't want to disturb this moment and i dnt want to go back to face the demons all alone..
sometimes i wish if only u can stay
if only i can get the sun to shine on a rainy day

i want you

this is specially for you... cause i always feel that i can never say or do anything to make u feel the amount of joy and happiness u bring into my life...
you bring me hope and dreams there were so lost before u came to stay :)
so this goes out for you

i want you

i want you to break these walls around me

i want you to reach deep inside of me

i want you to live in my dreams

i want you to help me over come my fears

i want you to be a part if me

long time... no blog

well here i am ..
back venting all my bottled thoughts... out from the widmills of my mind into the world wide space
why?
it' s always a good vent when all the ears are tired of listening ... and all the heads are weary of trying to make sense ..
i am not gng to be writing on regular basis i guess.. maybe just drop a line or two. maybe i am not that good taking it out in verbal words, lately i have been all so silent although i know i have alot to say and alot that would love to be heard... but they just dnt make sense to me in words maybe they can make sense in writing