Wednesday, July 9, 2008

"am i part of the cure.. or am i part of the disease?!!"

i guess PMS is hitting hard these days... i feel like crap..
i don't know if i do have the right to feel so or not and it is driving me mad...
i have been anticipating disaster for 2 days when i finally got my car crashed yesterday, and the weird thing is it felt like a relif... like i was waiting for it to happen ... and in a way i was... i was day dreaming about crashing each time i passed an intersection for the past few days...crazy ..huh!!
and there are those things that are bothering me and i really can't figure out if it's just a phase that will soon be behind me or is this a warning sign of what life is gng to be if i choose this to be my path..
i worry too much i know... but right now i feel so alone... its like suddenly everyone is so busy, too busy to be there for me and i am sick of trying to be considerate.... i am pissed, i should not be on my own not now.. i need help, i can't ask u for it people anymore isn't in obvious... no i can't be more talkative about it i need to to reach out, i need u to notice and try to be there.
i feeel low, bad. alone, lost. confused, grateful, scared, alone again, and angry
i don't knwo if all of this makes sense.. .really i dnt care if it does i just need to let it out

1 comment:

Deeeeeee said...

I just had a terrible accident two days ago too.. and I think it was some kind of sign.. but it was the one of the worst experiences in my entire life! It has actually distracted me from all the pissed off, annoyed, terribly lonely and in the state of missing..

I hope this is just PMS.. it brings out the worst in us all..

good luck!