from the bottom of humanity

she sits there in the darkness of her own self wondering... "what the hell have u done??"
she has always been so hard on herself, she learnt that its the only person she can actually blame for good reason, and the only one that would listen and change without disappointing her .. yet, this moment she feels so disapointed..
" you are such as hypocrite!!" she screams without saying a word... but this is how frustrated she is, it seems that everyone is looking at her with those perfect eyes and no one can see through, no one can see through the hell she is living trying to maintain this image as the gap widens between what she was and what she really is right now... at the bottom of humanity...
" i know it's hard... but come on, you've seen worse, you've been through worse and you passed every single test..." she rememebrs all those situations she's been through and how many people tried to pull her down... yet she someway, somehow was pulled through it by some magical force, where is that now??
maybe it's because of that one single dream, the only dream she had about her mum since she left... she smiled and looked at her as she drove away saying " don't worry child, i'll always be there for you" she always believed she was watching , so she never wanted to let her down..but she sure did..
" oh! how i wish you were here" she calls out in the darkness of her soul .... she can hear them far away pass her by... no one knows, no one would understand... she thinks.. then she slaps her self back saying " that's what the weak say..you were never weak... you were never that weak"
she thinks of how many people would laugh at her now... "little miss perfect" they'd say mockingly... " look at you now" ......
suddenly she feels a chill run through her, a weird sense of fear... " what would u say to defend your self? what if u die now? what if the feelings u have so strong now they're blinding u change? you've seen it happen so many times? how stupid are u to think ur different? everybody think they are and that's why they eventually fail!!!"
she opens her eyes to the ring of the phone... it's him .. she puts on the face she put beside her and picks up the phone...