happiness... the question?!!

sometimes i wonder if i am afraid to be happy, i dnt know if scared or afraid is an appropriate description, maybe forgot how is more like it... or even the fact that i got used to this numb feeling
what is happiness?
is it the clear consience, facing urseld and facing god? that is tough ... we are ment to do wrong and to sin, its a pilosophical thought that i have, if being good was so easy we wouldn;t have been rewarded for sticking to what;s right? and then there would have been no redemption
is happiness being loved and cared for?
some people feel smothered by too much love, and how many of us were loved by what we call the wrong people we just cant love them back... is it to love and be loved.... well lets face it in our great counrty it is not just the both of u u have to love him and he loves u and his mother loves u too and your dad is ok about it and the list goes on
is happiness in reaching your goals?
what is your goal i know a whole generation who can not answer this question and their goals are only motivated my financial and materialistic reasons and that is obvsious in the hard times we are living today..
i have been trying to define happiness for 2 days know to explain the reason for my bad mood which is totally unexplainable cause even if i cant define happiness, i sure know sorrow very well and el7amdulellah it did not visit me in sometime

3ala feen ya masr... 7nesh7aat wala eih?!!

where are we heading?!!! this is all i can think of since the gas prices went up... i am not a 50 yr old so i can go "3ala ayaamna kan el genee beygeeb we ygeeb" but in the short time that i can call my life i am seeing it... in less than 10 yrs i am paying double for gas, i am paying 30 pounds for a Mc Donalds combo, and that is fast food and not a decent meal..
i wonder, it is not going to stop just here... am i gng to have kids and one day not be able to take them out cause i dnt have money for gas.. or not able to order a take out for them or even worse feed them at all, and i am not going to talk about schools or education .... !!!
it doesn't look very bright from where i stand right now... it's getting too much to handle... so many things i want to do and so little i can afford and this little is even shrinking... i am not complaining .. you know what i AM complaining... i am working hard... i am working harder than most people i know... how hard is it to make ends meet.. and i am alone, what would be the situation if i am responsible for someone else.. this is making me loose focus, i feel so materialistic but what can i do... !!
this is not the picture i had in mind this is not an ordinary world.. and this is fallin from being even a normal one !!!

just hold me

this was inspired bu a song i heard today...

you can't change the way i feel
but dnt just walk walk away
you can hold me

you can't undo all those things,

that scarred so deep, so long ago,

but hold on.. just hold me,

you can't promise to be there tomorrow,

the future is not ours,

but you can for now hold me

i dnt need to fight,

i dnt need to prove anything,

i dnt need anything,

if ur there... just hold me

random thought

was just hearing this song that i haven't heard in ages, and u know sometimes a line, just a single line resonates in your head and u feel (or maybe just me) that this can be the title for your day, if u ever had it written down ............ here is goes " am i part of the cure.. or am i part of the disease" ~ coldplay - clocks