running in the rain

i wasn't feeling ok so i went to walk it off... the weather was clear cause it has just rained and the sun came out.... i felt that the rain might be gone from the sky outside but it still it cloudy inside of me.... i put my music on and just stared into the void and kept walking... lines off my very dear touching songs kept playing and it only kept getting darker and clouds closing in " can i burn the mazes i grow...can i , i dnt think so... where can i run to? where can i hide? who will i turn to? now i am in a virgin state of mind" k's choice said... then then she sang "and i feel guilty as i sigh.. am feeling guilty , why do i? take ur hands out of mine.. take a rope and tie these thoughts of mine down.. untill i'm fine" ......... then came in sia again this song is so close to how i feel " lost my self again today.. and i am no where to be found... be my friend.. hold me... wrap me up... unfold me... i am small.. and needy... wrap me up and breathe me".... then avril " i couldn' t tell u why she felt that way.. she felt it every day.. i couldnt help her i just watched her make the same mistakes again..... her feelings she hides her dreams she cant find.. she's loosing her mind.. she's falling behind .. she can't find her place she's loosing her faith .. she's fallen from grace she's all over the place"
i open up my eyes and its as if my feelings have overflooded over the world around me.. a huge dark cloud is over the place, and its started to drizzle..... i remember a friend of mine saying that prayers are accepted when its raining"3ind nezool el ghaith" so i start praying with my heart for all those wrongs i know i have made, for all the lost souls out there that are still among us , or have long departed.. i pray that god forgives me and all those i know ... i pray that i have the strength to stick to what's right, right the wrongs, and embrace new opprotunities that may come my way.... the rain is pouring now and i am staring to get wet..... its still a long way back home so i start to run... it rains even harder and i can barely see.... i am soaked now..i start running even faster... and it feels like i am running away from my troubles as the rain washes them off me........... i have reached home now .. i feel exhausted but some how i am relived

understanding

when i you need me

i'm there and i am understanding,

when u loose track and i take ur hand

i am there and i am understanding

when u call me anytime

i am there and i am understanding,

when loneliness closes upon me

are u there? can u be understanding?

when i need someone by my side

are u there?

i am breaking down

can u be understanding???

sometimes all i need is a word and sometimes i need more

where are u .... i can't no more be understanding...

this is the first new writing i wrote in quite sometime.... tough times i guess.. one day i hope to look back and just feel it is way beyond me now... just feel nothing of all that i am feeling now

why do i ??

i can't blame you for hurting me no more if you hurt me once its your fault, if you hurt me twice its because i let you........... why do i let you????
and the little voice in my head goes "stuipd .. stupid .. stupid ... hurt ... hurt ... hurt"

Help, I have done it again

I have been here many times before

Hurt myself again today

And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame

sia ~ Breathe me

STATUS : out of words

there's an unceasing wind .... that blows through this night

there's dust in my eyes .... it blinds my sight

there's a silence that speaks so much louder than words

of promises broken

pink floyd ~ "sorrow"