only human ...

we have to learn never to judge people by the way they look, or the image they try to project, cause deep down there we are all filled with flaws and things we are too ashamed to admit event our own minds that we block it out and deny the fact that it ever existed so we can be able to move on, maybe we even forget to repent partly cause we dont want to recall that part of us all together and maybe becase we know that we are too weak to fight back if we were faced by those weaknesses once more... we'll break once more
maybe that girl that's not covering her hair, is as weak to that as that guy who can't quit smoking, as that couple who can't let go of each other, as that girl who does this... as that guy that does that ..... as that person that's there deep inside each and everyone of us who's just at a certian point cracks... who's just human trying the best but has to fall short somewhere..

i want you to know

this is one of my old writings... it's not about me in particular actually it was an impression i got from a guy that was talking about his girl ..

"i want you to know"

i want you to know ,

what i tried so hard to hide,

but still shows,

i want you to know,

i tried so hard to contain myself,

but my feelings just overflow,

i want you to know,

my whole life is a storm,

and you're my long lost shore,

i want u to know,

when you're beside me,

i am a king on his throne,

i want you to know,

even though u might not feel the same,

i can't let you go,

i want you yo know,

if you just give me a chance,

i'd love you more than you'll ever know

more than words

sometimes words are so meaningful to us, we hold on to them regardless of people's actions that might totally defy them, somehow they might cause much more pain than having a part of us ripped off, they can sometimes make up so happy more than having won a million bucks, yet words are fragile and can only retain that value when they are backed up ... backed up with things than are more than just words.. no matter how powerful these words may seem

"More Than Words"

Saying I love you,

Is not the words,

I want to hear from you,

It's not that I want you,

Not to say but if you only knew,

How easy, it would be to show me how you feel,

More than words,

is all you have to do, to make it real,

Then you wouldn't have to say, that you love me,

Cause I'd already know,

What would you do, if my heart was torn in two,

More than words to show you feel,

That your love for me is real,

What would you say, if I took those words away,

Then you couldn't make things new,

Just by saying I love you,

It's more than words,

It's more than what you say,

It's the things you do,oh yeah,

It's more than words,

It's more than what you say,

It's the things you do,oh yeah

,Now that I've tried to,

talk to you and make you understand,

All you have to do, is close your eyes,

And just reach out your hands, and touch me,

Hold me close don't ever let me go,

More than words, is all I ever needed you to show,

Then you wouldn't have to say, that you love me,

Cause I'd already know,

What would you do,

if my heart was torn in two,

More than words to show you feel,

That your love for me is real,

What would you say, if I took those words away,

Then you couldn't make things new,

(no no)Just by saying I love you.....

the big red day

well this is for the all-red-lovey-dovey mood that's in the air in prepration for the big red valentines day, i dnt have anything against that particular day, i guess it's a good idea and occasion to show people how much u care, specially if ur not that expressive on normal occasions... yet i belive that people close to our hearts should be remembered everyday, and celebrated as much as we can..i dnt have many memories for that day... only one far bitter sweet memory, a fragment of a distant fairy tale that i dnt know for sure if i was lucky or down right unlucky to have lived it.. but i'd like to thank whoever made that memory all the same.. maybe one day i'll know for surethis song i post on that occasion is what i belive one of the very feeling-full songs ever... it always used to bring tears in my eyes as it about so much love yet so much pain, confusion, and desperation that only those who felt it can understand it's depth

"If You're Not The One"
If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all
I'll never know what the future brings But I know you're here with me now
We'll make it through And I hope you are the one I share my life with
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maime my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?
I don't know why you're so far away But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I could stay in your arms

danial bedding field - "if u're not the one"

note to self

no observations today, just a reflection... or a couple of questions that are mainly directed to me!

when will this end?
is there and end?
and if there is will you be be strong enough to make ur own closure?
or would u throw away ur heart bear ur soul for yet another blow?
should u be the one who is always left behind?
what are u holding on to?
and if u can't find it, or find the way back to it, then why the hell is ur grip too tight?
ur holding on to fading memories that sting with long gone joy,
stop fooling urself, ur loosing urself on that addiction to pain ...
know ur worth that everyone realises but just a little bit too late
alone was always a friend, you can't be scared of her u've been together for so long

this is for me and all u pain addicts out there... "aboelsheed" u know ur one ;)

"the feeling"

yesterday at my shift in the hospital, a man was coming to visit his wife after she undergone a ceserian section delivery, the weird-jail-like system of this hospital is that when the lady enters the reception room no one of her family is allowed in, she undergoes an 8 or even more hours of delivery and all the news the family outside can have is through the staff coming in and out of the building, i guess they can't help it cause bring a public hospital u have no idea how many women enter there every hour.... if u have their relatives, u have that number multiplied by god knows how much.. so they can't go in before the visitation hours..
back to my point she was the last one to come out of surgery so she still had all the drain tubes coming out and the analgesics were wearing off.. they took away her catheter so she had to walk to the bathrooom and since she just had her tummy opened up it was down right painful.... and look on his face seeing his wife in so much pain was just so touching... he got so mad demanding that the doctors should give her analgesics and put the catheter back, so his wife won't be in so much pain.... that look on his face was sooooo genuine.. as if he can feel that pain himself, carrying her to the bathroom and back to the bed... u can see in his eyes that he feels her pain without knowing what she went through.. he can just feel it from the way she looks at him, and i wonder, does that really exist ?!! where did they get it from? did they know they'd have that kind of "feeling"down the road? or they just went ahead and sort of built it aong the way? did they give it much thought or they just stood up for it till they were able to accomplish it? yet i know they are too simple of people to plan it ahead all the way... maybe it was instinct that sparked it ..
it reminded me of another what i can call it "observation" i had long ago, and deep inside i hoped that one day i can have this kind of "mutual feeling" to share with someone.... one day we were on a trip by the beach with a relatively old couple and their kids, they are really very close friends of the family, the lady was not feeling very well, but didn't want to ruin the day for the rest of us, so she just sat with us with a smile on her face pretending to enjoy her meal... and for a split of a second when no one was looking it beat her and an expression of pain just flicked though her face, no one noticed... but he could feel it, her husbant didnt' miss it.... he just stood up and said " dear we have to go, ur not feeling ok" and when she tried to deny it, he said " i know..." she didn't quite argue and let her faked smile go.. and then it was clear for eveyone else how tired she was... i just couldn't let that pic off my head... this is more than love, and this is not easy, yet i know this specific couple stood up for what they had... there were no guarantess except this tiny feeling that they nurtured till they got there.. and i wonder did they young couples of today miss that in their search for a mate.. does it exist in the world as we know it today.. or is it like many morals, and feelings lost in the fast wheel of change

this is lyrics to a real favourite that i think describes this "feeling" in a really special way, it's by a band called lifehouse the song is "breathing"

I'm finding my way back to sanity, again

Though I don't really know what I am gonna do

when I get there

Take a breath and hold on tight

Spin around one more time

And gracefully fall back in the arms of grace

I am hanging on every word you say

And even if you don't want to speak tonight

That's alright, alright with me

'Cause I want nothing more

than to sit Outside Heaven's door

and listen to you breathing

Is where I want to be

I am looking past the shadows Of my mind

into the truth

and I'm trying to identify

The voices in my head

God, which one's you?

Let me feel one more time

What it feels like to feel

And break these calluses off me

One more time

'Cause I am hanging on every word you say

And even if you don't want to speak tonight

That's alright, alright with me

'Cause I want nothing more than

to sit Outside your door

and listen to you breathing

Is where I want to be

I don't want a thing from you

Bet you're tired of me waiting

For the scraps to fall Off your table to the ground

I just want to be here now

*chorus*

...TrusT...

can sometimes kindness be mistaken for something else, like in trying to fake the image of the giver, or to be the greater, nicer or the gracious one... this is a weird thought that passed through my head and was brought back the other day.. it's weird how u can try to be nice, kind, and even helpful to some ppl and they just as they call it bite u back..
u were giving out of good intention, out of love of even just out of giving , but people just dnt get it , they speculate , second judge and reject ur efforts, i don't know is it becsuse they can't imagine the existance of goodness in this life anymore or is it that one can't actually percieve that is not within him ??!! or maybe some people can't accept what they can't return back...
anyways long after these situations are gone, the dust settled and the hurt of being mistrusted , and in a way rejected, and accused settles down, somehow their vision clears and they realise that this is a rare thing, they just didn't realise it back then, and try in a way to win it back...
are there second chances in the matter of trust? or is it like the saying goes "it takes years to build up trust and seconds to destroy it" so it's totally distroyed .. would u start over again? or should there be guaratees, as the saying goes easy comes easy goes, should u make it hard on them? can u ever gurantee that u should give someone 100% trust? it's pretty doubtful to me.. what sort of gurantees and how?
can one really forget the hurt caused by someone and pickup where they started??
i'd like to end up with the lyrics of the song that i was actually going to be my post for the day.. till i got this thought popping in

"In The End"
(It starts with)
One thing / I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind / I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
All I knowtime is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away

It's so unreal
Didn't look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on / but didn't even know

Wasted it all just to
Watch you go
I kept everything inside
and even though I tried / it all fell apart
What it meant to me / will eventually / be a memory / of a time
when I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
One thing / I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind / I designed this rhyme

To remind myself howI tried so hardI

n spite of the way you were mocking me

Acting like I was part of your property

Remembering all the times you fought with me

I'm surprised it got so (far)

Things aren't the way they were before

You wouldn't even recognize me anymore

Not that you knew me back then

But it all comes back to me

In the end

You kept everything inside and even though I tried

it all fell apart

What it meant to me / will eventually / be a memory / of a time

when I tried so hard

And got so far

But in the end

It doesn't even matter

I had to fall

To lose it all

But in the end

It doesn't even matter

I've put my trust in you

Pushed as far as I can go

For all this

There's only one thing you should know

I've put my trust in you

Pushed as far as I can go

For all this

There's only one thing you should know

I tried so hard

And got so far

But in the end

It doesn't even matter

I had to fall

To lose it all

But in the end

It doesn't even matter

linkin park - in the end

thought of the day

well it's still raining and dark today.. and i must go to collage tom... i wonder how many ways will they try to make my life harder for skipping those 4 days... we'll wait and see, if only i can wake up early enough to make it, i got so used to the lazy timing.
back to what i want to talk about .. there are 2 thoughts that were on my mind since yesterday, do we prefer feeling pain than feeling nothing? as for instance, would u dwell on something that u know is hopeless rather than cleaning off ur mind and soul for something new, can u face the void??? or is it that u dnt know what u've lost till it's gone.. so ur only missing what's valuable after u loose it?? and will u learn to appreciate a little earlier next time? are u willing to step forward stand up or is the pain easier to handle??
the other thought is.. well i dnt know how to explain it much.. u know when someone is there and ur talking and u feel they're just not there.. and if they say anything it doesn't make sense, like they are not listening...
well i said i'll post those words and i always stick to my word... also for those who can get it, it explains my point perfectly

hearing is not listening,

knowing is not believing,

asking is not caring,

presence is not being there,

feeling is not loving,

wanting is not longing,

words can be really tricky.. only a few can undertsnd, even fewer can see through and be touched by them

my own wise quote

the weather is really gloomy these days, i dnt remember the sun coming up since thursday morning, and it's driving me crazy, it took me 2 hours to get out of bed this morning,i havent been to collage for like 3 days now, and seriously thinking i'd skip tom too, it's like i dnt want to wake up unless the sun is there, i hate that cold, cloudy, rainy and dark weather.... it depresses me..
i was thinking i'd post a couple of quotes i liked trying to fight back this mood, when i came across this online quiz that picks the wise quote that suits u .. and guess what?!!! it's saying i am depressed too... loool
here are my results:

Your wise quote is: "Reality bites with a variety of sizes of teeth"(-Tony Follari)
As a person, you think life is just plain painful, horrible and everything else you don't like. Happy people confuse you. Alot. I mean, why are they so happy anyway? You are depressed and perhaps utterly alone and live life rather montone. You feel there is no reason to really be here and feel helpless
.48192 other people got this result!
This quiz has been taken 69 times.
20% of people had this result.

it u wan to check out ur wise quote this is the link http://www.quizilla.com/users/PainfulBliss/quizzes/What%20wise%20quote%20fits%20you? [pics]/

the one

u’ll be the one,
when u can wait for me,
against the wind ,
like a stone,
U'll be the one,
when u’ll hold on to me,
and together we’ll face,
the coming storms,
u’ll be the one,
when i can feel ur touch on my soul,
warm like the sun,
u’ll be the one,
when u hold me so tight,
I can feel ur heart,
beating with my own,
u’ll be the one,
when I can sleep in ur arms,
knowing u’ll never be gone,
u’ll be the one,
when there is no together,
when we are both one

u can't control how i feel

people react differently to the same gestures, situation or experience... for example not all people find flowers romatic, some might find it the most romantic gift ever, might meen more than dimonds to one girl and to another it might be too lame and might even consider the guy cheap for not getting her a valuable gift.. u might consider the latter shallow but belive me sometimes under all the smiles this is how some people really feel..
we can't expect how people will react, not all the time at least, we may know people well enough to think so but u know we're not always right, we can't expect them to react the way we would or the way we hope them to... we dnt have that right, and if they react differenlty we can't judge that.... u can't control it, we can only control our side of actions... let me clarify here
we can't hurt people and make belive we're only sparing them more hurt down the line,
we can't be mean to people or just back off their lives in some way or the other and think that we're helping them forget ..
we can't expect people to value the same things we do, belive in the same things we do , or apreciate them
we can only choose to stay or leave... we can choose to help or walk away... and that's our choice and we have to deal with the results...
sometimes we can't even predict how we'll handle certian situations ourselves, we discover that we are moved , attached, weaker or even stronger than what we pictured ourselves or fooled everyone around to be..
we may find out that we love, hate, need or even can't live without certain things.. and are puzzled of that .. cause this wasn't in our plan
it's alright to mess up sometimes, break apart sometimes and feel utterly stupid some other times....
we're human .. we have needs .. yet we have sometimes to belive in who we are, belive in what we want and what we are... yet we have to give space for other people to do that same

we'll its a bit incoherent post... but i know if u can get something out of it , it will do you good.