I AM SCARED !!

i am a phsycho and every one around is

no one seems to be listening to anyone but themselves, and then pointing a finger at the other and calling them selfish or inconsiderate, that also includes me... 

everyone wants something and they want it right now, and you can't say a word or even frown cause you'll be bombarded with a flood of accusations i am just sick of it, there is too much pressure and i am about to burst, my  mind is gng around in circles and seems to be clowded with all those weird thoughts that don't make sense alone or together, i am having nightmares daily of weddings, exams and what life has in store the next few months, and no one seems to be seeing it.....

i need a hug a big warm motherly hug, the kind that makes it all go away...

its strange when we sometimes complain of the same things that makes us who we are

i feel you

i feel very blessed, el7amdulellah, if only we can be patient enough to walk through the darkness and reach the light everything happens for a reason, i just pray to always have the insight to see it, and the strength to belive in it.

back to what i wanted to write about today, i know i havent written anything in a loooooooooong time, everything is so hectic and time flies, studying, working, preparing , shopping, planning, and working again.....

i wanted to talk about that dream i had a couple of nights back, i  dreamt of my mother, i didn't see her face in the dream, but i felt like someone was holding me real tight, and i just knew it was her, i don't know if i belive in this kind of contact between souls, i ran to my brother (in the dream) to tell him, i  kept saying " mum is here i can feel it" he just glanced at me the way he always does laying on his bed not lookingup from his laptop " you are crazy, how can she be here" . but i felt it so real and i am grateful for that dream.

 mum i think of u always and i miss u all the time, i hope when u hear of me you are proud , i hope you know that i miss you and i never needed that hug more than now.

"i feel you

in every stone

in every leaf of every tree

that you ever might have grown,

i feel you

anyway, in every tear that i have shed

and every word i never said

i feel you"

                                                        [some techno song but it fits ~i feel you]

alone

its been only hours, but i am not ashamed to admit that i miss u like hell.. here is to the start of a really empty month or two

"My Lover's Gone"

My lover's gone
his boots no longer by my door
he left at dawn
and as I slept I felt him go
Returns no more
I will not watch the ocean
My lover's gone
no earthly ships will ever bring him home again
bring him home again

My lover's gone
I know that kiss will be my last
no more his song
the tune upon his lips has passed

I sing alone
while I watch the ocean
My lover's gone
no earthly ships will ever bring him home again
bring him home again

[dido - my lover's gone]

el7amdulellah

well i haven't been writing lately
i guess its mainly because i dnt write except when i am in a bad mood, and lately el7amdulellah life was pretty good and even more hectic ... its amazing all the details there is to start a new life :S
i am happy i can not deny that, i am scared and it masks my happiness most of the time, i am still tied to the old me in the back of my mind maybe just for safety the same way as a kid i used to hang on to my single shoulder floater while i am dead sure i outgrew it years ago and it won' t save me anymore from drowning, but it just made me feel safe.
i am grateful to god for all his blessings that even what seems bad happens and always happened for a good reason, i just pray for the insight to realize it.
i don't think i have much more to add i just wanted to put down a line or two.

feelings update

how i feel ??
its a huge mix of emotions that puzzel me before anyone else,
i am scared of this life i am starting
i am happy for this life i am starting
i am excited... apprehensive
and in love
and most of the time not even regestering it all!! did i grow up that fast?

10 feet off the ground... and falling

how can you put me there and watch telling me how sorry you are?
how dare u make me live this dream and watch me run like crazy to catch it... and ask me to just pause everything and you'll be back..
i don't want to understand... i know you do... yet you just leave me in the dark one more time and ask ne to trust you
i hate the dark... i am sick of it and i am sick of chasing this dream hoping that you are dreaming it too.... i would fight all the odds to reach it and u can too... actually u care and u did but somehow u can put it on hold and that is just uncomprehendable to me... specially right now
i should be supportive... i should have some foresight
yet being a human, being a woman in love, having waited that long beats me.....
i feel like .... i dunno
but this is as close as it gets

"Apologize"~one republic ft. timbaland

[Verse 1]I'm holdin' on your rope,

Got me ten feet off the ground.

And I'm hearin' what you say,

But I just can't make a sound.

You tell me that you need me,

Then you go and cut me down...But wait...

You tell me that you're sorry,

Didn't think I'd turn around...And say...

[Chorus]That it's too late to apologize.

It's too late...I said it's too late to apologize.

It's too late.Yeah!

[Verse 2]I'd take another chance,

Take a fall, take a shot for you.

I need you like a heart needs a beat,

But it's nothin' new.

I loved you with a fire red,

Now it's turnin' blue...And you say...

Sorry, like an angel

Heaven let me think was you...But I'm afraid...

I'm holdin' on your rope,got me ten feet off the ground.