now please!!

i just had a car accident a couple of hours ago, my car is more damaged than i am .. the funny thing is i was just thinking the other day that the only thing left to go wrong is having my car breaking down, it's my little place in the universe where i can just let go. i can go somewhere to be alone, cry, sing, just hide and no one would intrude... it's a piece of who i am, i dnt care if i sounds lame.. i love my car
it's amazing how a close encouter with i wouldn't like to call it death cause it's too major for that accident, yet it makes u wonder how ur so fragile and no matter what ur dng, how safe u feel, it can all end like that.......... in a second ur gone, amazing how we know that fact for real, yet we choose to ignore it, i know personally i did, many times ur dng something u know u shouldn't be dng and wonder , what if i die now?..
although, other times u go like i wish i can die now......
sorry for the dull thoughts.... its just how i feel this moment.... now please!!!

The Lift

this is a piece i wrote quite a while ago, i must admit that most of my posted writing are pretty old, i just refine them a bit and publish them.. yet, this one really suits the time of important decsions i am getting in to these days.. life changing decsions are always scary no matter how confident u are, yet at one point u have to stop calculating.. time never stops.. take the best odds u've got and make ur best shot at it... nothing in life is won without some loss .... pick the least and jump......

"the lift"

i'm standing on this step,

to get on the lift,

it's there waiting for me,

with it's doors wide open,

and i'm standing there frozen,

afraid of where it may take me,

of it's doors closing in on me,

i know how far up it can take me,

yet scared, it won't stop where i want to be,

so i am paralized on this step.

afraid to fall in to the gap,

between my ground,

and the lift.

is forgetting a blessing?

it's what i consider an eternal question ..
sometimes we forget things that hurt us.. which can help is let go, help us move on and forget the pain whoever or whatever caused us............. but does that prevent us from doing the same mistakes again? does it help us see what went wrong.. or do we forget the lessons along with the pain they caused..
sometimes we forget details and memories as we loose our loved ones, sometimes this kind of forgetting can be painful, we feel that we have kind of betrayed them ... we try to hold on to the mental images and happy moments in our heads as they fade away with time and there's nothing we can do about it, the more we try to remember the more we realise we forgot...
on the other hand there are certain memories that stir that deep pain inside of us and we never seem to let it go, it's like we're dilerberatly hurting ourselves longer and even deeper and enjoying torturing our souls that way........ fooling ourselves into thinking we're going to forget by time.......

where did that name come from ??

i realised that this blog is approching a month of age now, and i didn't explain where the name came from... well, i just realised i may be too much of a lyrics' freak, cause there are just too many lyrics posted here... including the title.. but u know what? songs are just poatry sung.. it's more familiar than just plain poatry in a book.
well back to my topic for the day... the title came from a duran duran song, it's called ordinary world, there are a couple of lines in it that totally explain how i feel when i have what i call it unelastic collision with reality .. ( u have to look it up if u dnt know it... it's a physics term) and this blog is an outlet to the results of too many collsions.
i won't give u the whole song .. just the parts that click with me and made me choose it for a title.

What has happened to it all?

Crazy, some are saying

Where is the life that I recognize?

Gone away

But I won't cry for yesterday

There's an ordinary world

Somehow I have to find

And as I try to make my way

To the ordinary world

I will learn to survive

Passion or coincidence

Once prompted you to say

"Pride will tear us both apart"

Well now pride's gone out the window

Cross the rooftops

Run away

Left me in the vacuum of my heart

What is happening to me?

Crazy, some'd say

Where is my friend when I need you most?

Gone away

But I won't cry for yesterday

There's an ordinary world

Somehow I have to find

And as I try to make my way

To the ordinary world

I will learn to survive

one

no thoughts or special writings today... my mind is a total mess.. so i'll leave u with the song of today.. it's orgionally by U2 , but u know the REM cover is much better.. it's a must - listen

"One"

Is it getting better

Or do you feel the same

Will it make it easier on you now

You got someone to blame

You say...One love

One life

When it's one need

In the night

One love

We get to share it

Leaves you baby

if you Don't care for it

Did I disappoint you

Or leave a bad taste in your mouth

You act like you never had love

And you want me to go without

Well it's...Too late

Tonight

To drag the past out into the light

We're one,

but we're not the same

We get to Carry each other

Carry each other

One...

Have you come here for forgiveness

Have you come to raise the dead

Have you come here to play Jesus

To the lepers in your head

Did I ask too much

More than a lot

You gave me nothing

Now it's all I got

We're one

But we're not the same

Well we Hurt each other

Then we do it again

You say

Love is a temple

Love a higher law

Love is a temple

Love the higher law

You asked me to enter

But then you make me crawl

And I can't be holding on

To what you got

When all you got is hurt

One love

One blood

One life

You got to do what you should

One life

With each other

Sisters

Brothers

One lifeBut we're not the same

We get to Carry each other

Carry each other

One...life

One

"confusing what is real"

i was talking to friend of mine yesterday and the comment i was given just rang in my head all day " don't be wreckless with your own heart.. or other people's hearts".
maybe i hang on to the things i love too hard.. i kind of focus on how much things/people may mean to me more than how much i am actually worth.. might sound degrading.. but u know what? it only is if people don't appreciate it.. i think it's hard to give when ur constantly thinking what ur gng to get back.. it just looses the whole meanig of giving.. yet as the quote says " the wise knows when to try harder, and when to let go" maybe i am just plain stupid ...lol

sometimes one's emotions can be the most confusing thing.. u know what u want, u know that the person might not have it.. yet u keep trying harder and harder.. to fit that person into that picture, u are blinded by ur own attraction..wreckless of ur own heart and feelings
on the other hand someone might be willing to offer all what ur looking for and more .. yet u can't even consider taking it........ ur kind of blinded from the same things that u've been actually been searching for.. and that's being wreckless with others..

careful what u wish for

this is a personal experience.......... hope kills slowly
i wished i could find u.. when i did u walked away
i wished to help u.. you just pushed me away
i wished we can hang on for us.. u kept tearing it apart
i wished u could know how much i care...u kept breakng bit by bit off what's left of my heart
i wished i could talk to u.. words just slipped away
i wished i could only see u .. when i did, it hurt too much i had to walk away
i wished to move on.. i'm trying but it feels too numb

it's not ment to be a poam... it's not ment to be a hidden message.. cause some feelings can't be induced if they are not there... as a friend of mine said " don't expect much from people who don't give much"