weak

the toughest looking people are always the weakest inside, looking tougher to avoid hurting their fragile inside, and everyone is fooled ....... just fooled, with the steely exterior ,even the closest people, they might just bleed their lives away under that huge smile and no one would know..... no one would feel ... no one would listen to the pleads, the cries for help in between the silently spoken words.........

[K's choice ~ weak]

Lost in time I can't count the words

Said when I thought they went unheard

All of those harsh thoughts so unkind

'Cos I wanted you

(And) now I sit here I'm all alone

here sits a bloody mess, tears fly home

A circle of angels, deep in war

'Cos I wanted you

Weak as I am, no tears for you

Weak as I am, no tears for you

Deep is I am, I'm no ones fool

Weak as I am

And what am I now but loves' last home

I'm all of the soft words I once owned

If I opened my heart, there'd be no space for air

'Cos I wanted you

With this tainted soul

In this weak young heart

Am I too much for you?

weak as I am

Am I too much for you??

weak as I am

my best wasn't good enough

hurt me one more time,

stab me real deep,

maybe i'll learn the lession this time,

maybe this time my words i'll keep,

have another blow at my soul,

harder .. stronger,

maybe it will lie still this time,

don't worry ur never there when i weep,

lie to me one more time,

make more promises, dreams u can't keep,

maybe i'll give up this time,

and i'll be able to stand on my feet

~NooNa

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[anouk ~ my best wasn't good enough]

Lets say Im feeling better

Lets say Im feeling fine

Lets say I gave you all I had

And now Im out of time

And my best wasnt good enough

And now this time to wonder

Now this time to heal

Time to let it all come down

But I dont know what I feel

But it aches and it hurts and it burns

Oh it kills me

Tick, tock, you dont stop

You dont fade

You just stay

But Ill do it all again

Now dont you call me baby

Just dont pretend you care

Save your sorry for yourself

When judas takes you there, yes

Once I really believed

There was nothing out there for the lost and lonely

But a voice in my head kept banging on my heart

Says youre not the only one

this is for all those who feel out there, i know ur very few and are always constantly in pain from the heartless world out there

the silence

sometimes we feel we have so many things we want to say, and we like choke on the words when we start thinking of what others may think of them... how will they judge us? will we be understood? will we be felt for? can we reach their compassion? will the words be able to carry the feelings we want them to convey..
yet sometimes we get so fed up with our trapped feelings and let it out, and sometimes our frustrations mask our feelings and instead of giving the message of such fragile feelings words appear to be harsh and may seem to be the total opposite,
other times we are frustrated with all the words, and we choose silence, when we belive that we said enough and our feelings are larger and more fragile for words to express... yet the silence may seem soo long and we wait for a reaction that never happens.. communication fades off and we feel insecure that we are forgotten that out we are not loved the way we thought / imagined we were yet we dnt have enough strength to break the ever growing wall of silence that appears so strong and we remain tied behind it waiting .. waiting for someone to reach out and break through ... to listen.. to understand... to hold us and tell us its all gng to be alright.. to make things right...

words like violence,

break the silence,

come crashing in.. into my little world,

painful to me,

pierce right through me,

can't you understand.

oh! my little girl,

all i ever wanted .. all i ever needed,

is here in my arms,

words are very uneceesary,

they can only do harm,

vows are spoken,

to be broken,

feelings intense,

words are trivial,

pleasures remain,

so does the pain,

words are meaningless .. and forgettable

enjoy the silence ~ depache mode

I HATE YOU

i hate you when you're far away,
i hate you when you don't say the things i want you to say,
i hate you when i miss you and u have to go away,
i hate you when you don't call me all day,
i hate you when u go and i dream about u all day,
i hate you when you don't say you'll love me every single day

-update-

i know its been close to a month now and i haven' t posted anything new... well i had loads and loads of errands to run, travelled alot, and was buried in paperwork..
but at least i am not going to fayoum anymore, i am set in a decent place regrardles if i enjoy it or not, will i keep doing it cause its just the easy way? or should i follow what i like amd not think too much?? i guess it is a matter of time and things will settle in isa
other than that there is not much to write if i don't want to be monotonous and repeat my self all over again cause somethings won't change unless change them myself in me.. as the famous quote says " be the change you want to see in the world"
anyways, in the mean time i will just cross my fingers and pray for closure for all the pending stuff in my life

running in the rain

i wasn't feeling ok so i went to walk it off... the weather was clear cause it has just rained and the sun came out.... i felt that the rain might be gone from the sky outside but it still it cloudy inside of me.... i put my music on and just stared into the void and kept walking... lines off my very dear touching songs kept playing and it only kept getting darker and clouds closing in " can i burn the mazes i grow...can i , i dnt think so... where can i run to? where can i hide? who will i turn to? now i am in a virgin state of mind" k's choice said... then then she sang "and i feel guilty as i sigh.. am feeling guilty , why do i? take ur hands out of mine.. take a rope and tie these thoughts of mine down.. untill i'm fine" ......... then came in sia again this song is so close to how i feel " lost my self again today.. and i am no where to be found... be my friend.. hold me... wrap me up... unfold me... i am small.. and needy... wrap me up and breathe me".... then avril " i couldn' t tell u why she felt that way.. she felt it every day.. i couldnt help her i just watched her make the same mistakes again..... her feelings she hides her dreams she cant find.. she's loosing her mind.. she's falling behind .. she can't find her place she's loosing her faith .. she's fallen from grace she's all over the place"
i open up my eyes and its as if my feelings have overflooded over the world around me.. a huge dark cloud is over the place, and its started to drizzle..... i remember a friend of mine saying that prayers are accepted when its raining"3ind nezool el ghaith" so i start praying with my heart for all those wrongs i know i have made, for all the lost souls out there that are still among us , or have long departed.. i pray that god forgives me and all those i know ... i pray that i have the strength to stick to what's right, right the wrongs, and embrace new opprotunities that may come my way.... the rain is pouring now and i am staring to get wet..... its still a long way back home so i start to run... it rains even harder and i can barely see.... i am soaked now..i start running even faster... and it feels like i am running away from my troubles as the rain washes them off me........... i have reached home now .. i feel exhausted but some how i am relived

understanding

when i you need me

i'm there and i am understanding,

when u loose track and i take ur hand

i am there and i am understanding

when u call me anytime

i am there and i am understanding,

when loneliness closes upon me

are u there? can u be understanding?

when i need someone by my side

are u there?

i am breaking down

can u be understanding???

sometimes all i need is a word and sometimes i need more

where are u .... i can't no more be understanding...

this is the first new writing i wrote in quite sometime.... tough times i guess.. one day i hope to look back and just feel it is way beyond me now... just feel nothing of all that i am feeling now