whispers about attention

it is amazing how we as humans we tend to give and expect something in return even if not of a conscious level, we give someone your time, your attention, and you expect they will do the same... why?
you only have control over your own self, just because you chose to give away what yours doesn't obligate anyone to do the same ... so suck it up and be selfish for a change
attention is given not asked for, if you ask for it its meaningless even worse instead of being comforting it just hurts

it is when i shut you out, when i need you the most, it is when i feel lonely that  I need you to sit by me and not avoid me all together thinking it will pass through, it is when I feel overwhelmed when I need your help and not some advice on how to manage, it is you I need to talk to and not find comfort in anyone or anything else.... I can do that it is easier than asking you to be there, but I did not choose to live this life on my own, so don't let me I would rather be alone than feel all alone

a quote from my all time favorite
" Don't fall away,
and leave me to myself
Don't  walk away
and leave love bleeding in my hands again" hemorrhage - live 

life is hard why didn't they prepare us for that when we were young, why were we trapped in the idea that when we grow up we can do anything we want while every year passes another rope ties us down, why is talking so hard, why is being understood that hard, why is carefree happiness hard, why is  it that we only feel longing for something we can not achieve
why are we so tied to this life that is so temporary ... nothing has a true value and nothing lasts

p.s i know it is messed up ... i should blog more often

what if I run
run so fast and leave it all behind
will I stumble upon what i hope to find
what if I run and leave you behind
will you miss me
or just turn your back around
I need to run, run so fast somewhere
let be a new or an old ground
maybe you would catch up with me
yet this thought weighs me down to the ground
I have to run NOW when there is room to turn around
I hope you feel me
before you look around and I am no where to be found

trying to keep my demons locked in
so please stop knocking on their door
if you can't help me keeping them locked up
you certainly will not survive them out there

I come undone

i have been fighting this too long and i am tired
i see everything fall apart if i continue down that road and i am sinking
trying to go back to who i was but i am lost
trying to embrace who i have become but i can't
i see you there and i pity you to be stuck here
i sit alone and i pity me for facing it alone
sometimes it hurts less to go through things alone than to expect something, anything from someone that never comes..


"who do you love? who do you need? when you come undone" ~ Duran Duran

SHUT Up would you !!

i wish i could mute the voice in my head,
i can't make peace with it anymore.. it is shadowing everything
It keeps putting me down, resenting where and what I am, yet I don't want to go back to who I was
I feel trapped in a moment while the days go by
talking doesn't help anymore no one gets me including myself
If only I can mute this voice for a while, so I can think, so I can smile, so I can stop sucking the life out of everyone and everything